This is it.

This is it. Plenty of times I've been told that the number of times I've moved house is criminal, and I quite agree. This time though, this is it.

With a spanking new shikomsa.com, I don't see where else I could possibly move to. Unless they overhaul the internets and the whole dot com thing and call it hyphen com or something. In which case we shall all have to move house....

Darius Stone is already on the other side. He got there before me!

I'm a dog. And I'm a member.

This Wont Hurt A bit

There was this talk earlier in the week of female nurses being authorized to administer the cut to men.

There are those who are looking at it as any other medical procedure, much like male gynecologists treating women, and as long as it’s delivered with utmost professionalism, they have no problem with it. But in some cultures, and to a large extent in the common order of things, it is taboo for a woman who is not a wife (no mention of mpango wa kando) to see a man’s privates.

I’d be the least qualified to opine on who should deliver the cut. Not to take lightly people’s cultures and the strong beliefs that surround circumcision though, me thinks a little professional TLC from a nurse of whatever sex is not a very bad idea. I tried to ask a few questions around the office but quickly gave up when I realized that many minds live permanently in the gutter.

I guess in the end it will boil down to cultural influences and personal choice. Such a thing cannot be forced on anyone. And before I’m done doing this article now I see that we can make babies without men! That’s an article for another day.

Archives: This time last year.

Do Not Adjust Your Monitor

Hi people.

Goodbye Blogger. Hello Wordpress. Goodbye .blogspot. Hello .butterfly.co.ke.

I’m building a new home on Wordpress, a move that I think is long overdue. One I’ve heard some good things about Wordpress, two I have a bit of a teeth pulling history with blogger, three change is always good. So if some time in the next few days you land on Wanjiku and don’t find the palms, do not adjust your monitor. We could do with adjustments to your blogrolls though.

At the same time I’ll be blogging closer home on the .butterfly.co.ke platform. Talk of killing a bird with two stones. Killing two birds with one stone. Which is it? I forget. I’ll take both.

Si you guys know you’re the best. Nuff respect. It’s been 1 year 3 months and160 posts although I doubt some like this one and this one and this one qualify as posts. Your support has been tremendous, your comments have been solid, civil, spot on, hilarious, and some bordering on crazy gone mad. Many a time they leave me in stitches. My journey through….…………. wait am I eulogizing us? Jeez it’s only a shift! Same blogger, same blogthren.

Let’s get outa here.

Quiet Please

I’m not writing this from a position of authority or experience but rather from hearsay from some reliable sources. Neither am I suggesting that the sick be left in hospitals to ail in loneliness. Every situation is different and it’s up to those close to the sick person to weigh and see. For now, hear me out.

Not every one wants to be visited in hospital when they’re admitted. It’s just that many people find it most unkind to come outright and say so. They therefore endure endless visits while deep down they wish they could be with the closest family and friends only. Some wish to be left alone to come to terms with their ailments and recuperate. Depending on the type of ailment, some patients suffer from phonophobia. In extreme cases it’s a morbid fear of voices including your own, but in milder and more common circumstances, it’s just the need for peace and quiet. As such, it’s common in, but not confined to hospitals.

I lost my workmate to breast cancer some time ago and at some point during her admission days, she made it categorically clear that she did not want any visitors outside of close family. Prior to that her room was always jammed with church groups, neighbors, chama ladies, family, friends, and workmates. She was sick. And then she was sick and tired of the endless chatter, the oh so predictable comfort messages and people gawking at the tubes and hospital contraptions running from her chest and urinary system to little bags on the side of the bed. She was tired of smiling nicely and shaking hands when infact the one thing she wanted to do was curl up and die.

She’s not the only person I know who has opted not to have visitors. When my sister gave birth to her first born, only a handful of people knew that her due date had arrived and that she had checked into hospital and given birth. That of course was for the purpose of ferrying supplies to the hospital and acting in case anything went wrong. The rest could go see mother and baby at home when they had been discharged and were in considerably good shape to welcome visitors.

Visiting a sick friend or relative is a gesture in utmost kindness. But let’s face something. There’s the lot that visits out of malicious curiosity. The ones who come to poke holes into the doctors’ prognosis – to concoct and give credence to their future speeches of ‘nilimuona. hiyo haikuwa cancer ni ukimwi. Alikuwa ameisha na nywele zimekuwa singa. (I saw her. It was not Cancer. It was Aids. She had lost weight and her hair had thinned). Duh! Of course she had lost weight and her hair had thinned!

I’d drafted this post some time back and buried it in my unpublished folder. It has now been re-inspired by this mega rant on the Muthaura visits. And speaking of Muthaura, there must be a few psychos who were visiting him in Hospital just to gauge the possibility of their kin and tribesmen succeeding him in office.

See also: Season for Bungling Doctors.

To Veil Or Not To Veil.

Picture From Yahoo News.

France is concerned about the increase in the number of women wearing the Burqa within its borders. It seems a showdown is looming between Muslims and the French Government after President Sarkozy hinted on banning the garment in public places, a move sure to create some tension.

A burqa is described by Wisegeek as a piece of clothing that covers a woman from head to foot. There is an opening for the eyes but the rest of the body, except the hands, is covered.

France views the garment as an infringement of women’s rights and a breach to individual freedoms. Furthermore the Burqa is said to hinder good communication especially among public servants and students.

As expected, there is a backlash already and it may get worse. Muslims feel attacked yet again after the banning in 2004 of the Islamic head gear along with any visible symbols of religious inclinations in public places especially schools.

There is quite a debate on Debatepedia and more information on sites like Peace Women, Innovative Minds and Huffington Post.

Imanyara.

Gitobu Imanyara’s mega assassination claims: cheap publicity stunt or do state assassins actually put their murderous blue print in traceable writing?

I’m not surprised that his letter and list of wanteds did not make headlines in any of the dailies today.

Every Day Home Truths

Some home truths I read about this morning from health24 and thought I could share. Mistakes we make every other day and then wonder, ‘how could I have been so stupid?’ These are summaries. For the full scoop, head here.

• Doing Business with family and friends – When you’re at loggerheads with someone over a business deal, and this person happens to be a friend or relative, that relationship will invariably suffer.

• Thinking you can fix people – people can only change themselves – you cant make someone else’s life different. Accept that some people are just unfixable and the problem does not lie with you, it lies with them.

• Expecting people to keep secrets – Now there are some friends/relatives you can trust, but the point is that few people can keep secrets. Not for long anyway. If you want to keep something really secret, tell no one.

• The Debt trap – Banks and shops don’t give you credit because they want to be nice. They give you credit because they can make money out of you. Ok, there are things like cars and houses which very few people can pay cash for, but once you start buying things like household goods, clothing and groceries for credit, you’re in trouble.

• Not getting things in writing – Where something is agreed upon, such as a special agreements in hiring or job contracts, get it in writing. If you’re unable to prove that someone agreed to, you have no leg to stand on.

• Rubbish in, rubbish out – Your body cannot be abused endlessly without any consequences. Late nights, smoking, lack of exercise and hard drinking – these are all things that exact their toll. Bodies fight back. Make friends with yours and treat it kindly.

• Everyone has to paddle their own canoe – Even if your parents or lover are prepared to take responsibility for your life, enabling you to do very little, sooner or later you will have to paddle your own canoe. Do your own thing – it’ll make you feel better, and it is, after all, your responsibility.

• Assuming there is one love-of-your-life – Many people make this mistake and when things don’t work out with this one person, they spend the rest of their lives moping about, not really making an effort with anyone else.

• Things are easier to get into than out of – You’ve said yes to helping a friend move or babysitting her impossible niece – just because you couldn’t get it together to say no. Or you’ve sort of let things slide a bit and got involved in a relationship that didn’t really work, because it was too much trouble to say so. Learn to say no.

• Sometimes small actions have big consequences – Such as having unprotected sex or ‘borrowing’ money from the cash box.

• No one has control over drugs – Many people, when they start taking drugs, think they can control it. Everyone thinks that in the beginning – and some even think that at the end – but still, lots of people die as a result of drug taking.

• Get-rich-quick schemes – Everyone dreams of getting rich quickly. But unless you win the lottery, of which the chances are regrettably slim, don’t hold your breath for this one. Pyramid schemes and other scams – the only ones who make money out of these are the people who thought up this scheme to fleece you of your money.

• Life does not stop when you get ditched – He’s left you for someone else, or even worse, he’s just left you. You don’t think you want to live and you don’t think you can carry on breathing. But, even though it doesn’t feel like that at the time, life does carry on. There is life beyond this person and chances are that given a while, you will stop feeling as if a sumo wrestler is sitting on your chest.

Stuck In Traffic? Drive Like An Ant.

Scientists are down on the ground trying to steal a few ideas from the humble intelligent ant (hereinafter called ‘the more intelligent driver’) on how to manage traffic. And with good reason. Even when they’re moving in their millions, the little critters never get into snarl ups. I don’t know just how applicable their intelligence could be when it comes to the assortment of mean machines that roam the roads. In defense of the human driver:

• First the ‘more intelligent drivers’ are not driving. They are walking. Who knows maybe they too could bring on the jams if they were driving. Walking humans do not get jammed now do they?

• Second, our paths (roads) are not soaking in pheromones to let other drivers know what’s cutting. We have indicators and other signals which we sometimes don’t use. We have overweight cops and traffic rules which we follow only when absolutely necessary. And we have hand signs. An insulting finger sometimes. Oh and we have honks - shoulders to lean on in fits of road rage.

• The ‘more intelligent drivers’ do not suffer from such affiliations as inflated egos. They don’t have their ears jammed with modern bits of technology. They don’t eat, drink coffee, dance, talk, SMS or tweet when driving.

• Ok so ants move in single file, never overtaking one another. Maybe they’re never in a hurry and they don’t need/cant handle the adrenaline. Plus they can create divert paths out of nowhere in the unlikely even that they encounter an intelligent grid lock. In any event, they’re so feather light they can walk all over one another.

Seriously though, there is something there. Apparently ant traffic principles are already in use in some developed countries. Maybe not because the ants discovered them before but because some ways to control traffic are just obvious. What remains is implementation. Developed countries have not grabbed their road reserves, they’ve not yet emptied their coffers, and they have the political will to build Autobahns.

In our case, that would have to be 2031 when we have intelligent roads that can sniff a snarl up from miles away and miraculously open up side roads (leaving the VIP ones alone) to divert traffic and ease the impending jam already.

See Also: Traffic Jams Coming To Mombasa.

Desperate Wishlist

My sister and her family have been in the US for some months now. They’re all still homesick and missing things which we take for granted here. So when someone was travelling to visit her, she sent me a list of things she’d give an arm and a leg for. I must say some of them are surprising because she never really touched them when she was around. Like Clove Oil. True that saying that you never know what you got until it’s gone. Here is her list. She’s so nostalgic she wrote it mostly in Swahili. I’ve translated as many as I can but some are so indigenous I don’t know whether they have English names.

• Iliki 3-4 Kgs – Cardamons. Iliki is very good for tea and general cooking. It’s a distinguishing ingredient in Mahamri, Pilau and Biriani. But 4 Kgs of Iliki or any spice for that matter is too much!

• Mdalasini – Cinnamon. With it’s sweet spicy scent and flavour, it’s good for tea, pilau and many other dishes.

• Tangawizi – Ginger. It’s often combined with Iliki above to make a mean cup of spiced tea. It’s also perfect for stews and marinades. Fresh ginger goes especially well with fish.

• Ukwaju – Tamarind. Seeds of the Mkwaju tree. They’re brown and sticky when fresh. Tamarind is widely used to make sauce to go along with deep fried potatoes (Viazi karai) which are sold at every other corner in the estates and restaurants at the coast. It has a tangy sour taste. Also used to make tamarind juice.

• Mbaazi – Pigeon peas. Upcountry hardly a wedding or any such grand occasion goes by without mashed mbaazi. It’s also a breakfast delicacy especially at the coast where it’s made with thick coconut milk and served with mahamri and spiced tea.

• Hamira – Yeast. Used in place of baking powder to make dough for mahamri. Yeast is the major difference between mahamri and mandazi.

• Mafuta ya Karafuu – Clove Oil. One word – pungent. The only use I can think of for clove oil is for massaging sore joints. But the stuff stinks to high heaven and no matter how it’s packaged, the smell will still permeate to anything and anyone around.

• Chepe – Coconut oil. It is said to be very good for hair and skin care. Mothers especially use it on their babies because it’s natural and mild. While it is not as pungent as Karafuu, it has a not so nice smell.

• Majani ya export – Good old authentic tea leaves. No vanilla, hibiscus, strawberry, cranberry or any such enrichments.

• Solar Dried Mkunde and Mchicha - Mkunde is cowpeas leaves and mchicha is amaranth. They’re dried and sold in a farm outside Kikambala so I got a small trip out of town.

• Swahili Sandals size 43 - several pairs - Beautiful handmade sandals embellished with multi-coloured beads. With a size as large and as uncommon as 43, they’re not kept in stock. I had to place an order and wait for 1 day for them to be made.

• Royko – I Kg.

• Soya Chunks (Nakumatt) – But the US is the mother of Soya!

• Njahi – Black beans. There must be some around there?

• Kunde – Cowpeas.

• Unga wa Uji – A lot. She’s a new mother.

• Dry peas.

• Salimia Ointment – Sounds familiar. What was it used for again? There must be an equivalent there surely?

• Hatha – stinging nettle.

• Bonisan Gripe Water – I see someone has not yet known her way around town.

• Sunlight soap – Come on now! Ok. She has only ever cleaned her babies with sunlight and the new one is no exception it seems.

Farmers Choice Sausages, mabuyu (baobab fruit), achari (spice sundried mangoes), sim sim seeds, kashata , vibibi, vitumbua, ufuta, woishe my dear sis!

I was not about to disappoint a homesick lady and new mum. The travel agency disputed just about all the items but rules are made to be broken no? Save for the perishables, medicines and oils, just about everything else has safely been delivered to her in US.

What are you people out there missing or missed while you were away?

Also see: Our Reading Spaces. A worthy course I read about at Mama Shujaa’s.

Despite all the obvious dangers, infidelity is rife. There is word out there that other than being battered, many men, for ages, might be raising children that are fathered elsewhere. Likewise married men are fathering children outside of their marriage. There is a whole industry fueled by infidelity and Private investigators in Kenya are supposedly quietly making a killing.

We have watched Joey Greco on Cheaters and read with disbelief the story of one in several million Mia Washington who has twins fathered by different fathers. Closer home, Ciku Muiruri has busted cheats on radio with those - you have won a trip to Mombasa and who would you like to take with you - stories. Jimmy Gathu has warned about mpango wa kando on television albeit in a way more likely to embarrass parents and kids than drive the otherwise very solid message home.

There are recent disturbing statistics that more cases of new HIV infections worldwide are now being reported among married couples. The claims do not seem very far fetched. Marriage compromises the ability to negotiate for safe sex and rubbishes the A&C of HIV prevention. As such a person with a cheating spouse is just a sitting duck. Please note I’m not talking about every marriage. If you are, or will be happily married and fully settled, good for you. There are those characters who are still wandering around risking their wellbeing plus that of their spouses and kids. So much for telling young girls to abstain till they’re married.

From The Past: Lets Talk About Teenage Sex

From The Web: Mum’s Shock At Twins With Different Fathers.

Kenny Who?

A visit to The Intelligensia took me back in the day when we literally grew up with Kenny Rogers in our living rooms. He was a household name and I doubt his songs will ever be forgotten. Thanks Intel for the good memories.

Unfortunately it seems like in matters anti-aging, the gambler rolled his dice and lost. The then hottest old guy got some botched surgery and destroyed his trademark warm looks. He was attempting to look younger. Kenny why? Whatever happened to aging gracefully? Even in his old age he was still one of the best looking men around. Apparently a young wife happened.

It’s actually sad to have dear old Kenny Rogers profiled in the same program as akina Lil Kim, Melanie Griffith and Michael Jackson for surgery gone wrong. Check them all out here.

Here's To Brotherhood In Space.

Think of an Astronaut. The picture in your head is someone super-fit, super-intelligent, and super-adventurous. All true. But now there’s something that wasn’t in the original job description: on missions, astronauts now drink recycled urine. Doesn’t sound particularly appetizing, does it? But there’s that element to most jobs. Think of what a surgeon, day care assistant, a dentist or a plumber has to deal with every day. In short, there’s no job that only has a glamorous side. That’s why it’s called a job and they pay you. If it were all fun and games you’d be paying them. Anyone for a trip to the moon?

If someone can build a space ship then I’ve no doubt a super duper purifier is small change. I’d have hoped that the Astronauts have individual recycling kits but no. It’s a water recycling device that will process the crew’s urine for communal consumption. Bonds don’t get any stronger than this. And the Astronauts need that. It must be lonely out there.

Listen to one of the engineers, ‘other than a faint taste of iodine, it is just as refreshing as any other kind of water’.

Health 24 has the full story.

And in other matters Urine

consumption.

Of Horse Hair Wigged Judges And Dumb Law Suits.

We’ve heard about our judiciary mostly in the light of grand corruption and botched up radical surgeries but have you ever thought of the complete and utter comedy that the courtrooms must be at times?

Everyone has a right to seek legal redress on any issue that they deem provable but I can’t for the life of me imagine how the judges resist the temptation to smack someone in the face when they bring what can only be described as dumb lawsuits to court.

I sometimes wonder how our horse hair wigged friends manage to keep a straight face when listening to, and judging cases of full grown men accused of having carnal knowledge of hapless chickens and sheep. And such other bizarre cases.

Speaking of horse hair wigs, (insignificant piece of crap if you ask Kenya’s Dopest Chick), why oh why are our judges are still wearing costumes that carry with them years of ancient British traditions, customs and laws, some of which were dictated by extreme cold winters none of which we have here? I appreciate the temptation to have some sort of distinguishing regalia for the judges but can’t we have a more relevant hallmark for the bar? Does wearing a normal business suit or our Kenyan dress hinder then from delivering good judgment?

From The Web: Judges of the world.

From The Past: Intersexual In Kamiti

God Bless Mums

Maua did a deep and touching tribute to her mum, effectively reminding us all why we should treat our mums right while they're still with us. Sometimes we take these awesome women for granted but we love then all the same.

Sex Starvation For Good Governance

7 Day Sex Boycott.

Kenya’s seemingly hopeless situation has finally snaked it’s way into the bedrooms. But nothing seems to move Kenyans any more. Is sex starvation the magic bullet that will get all and sundry up and fighting for reforms? If it’ll magically sort out the current impasse, then go Ida! go Ida!

Look out for cranky old men and women in the course of the week. Cranky old men and women in addition to all the other problems we’re having. Hoping they won’t be too dazed with pent up sexual energy to discuss constitutions and all.

Can’t wait to see who will crack first.

Cut Kilos And Save The Planet - The Plight Of The Polar Bear Depends On You.

I’ve come back from my holiday to some partly sad, partly annoying and partly hilarious headlines on the net.

Fatties cause Global Warming. And Fat People Blamed For Global Warning. So say the scientists. Reasons given are that fat people eat more, are likely to drive rather than walk, and some other amusing balderdash about them emitting more carbon dioxide. The said scientists have done the math, claiming that each fat person is responsible for emitting a tonne more of climate warming carbon dioxide per year than a thin one.

So these scientists can afford time off studying disappearing polar bears, melting polar ice caps, drying rivers, rising sea levels and such other serious issues to shine their high end microscopes on people’s weight? Junk science if you ask me. Leaves me wondering whether the whole global warming craze is not getting a little frivolous?

We cut down too many trees, strain our rivers, burn too much fuel, use up too much electricity, use plastic bags and still find a place for fat people in the whole environment degradation craze? And what about the food we throw away on a daily basis? If there is overproduction of food is it not due to food wastage as opposed to overeating? I’d rather look at obesity as a health problem and not environmental.

And in other news, you don’t have to be fat to partake of the environmental degradation cake. Even a simple google search has a definite environmental impact, generating about 0.02g of CO2 per second. Now throw in complex web pages, animations and videos. See? You can also be charged with crimes against the planet. By the way if you live in some countries you can sue the government for global warming. And you thought trees are good for the environment? Think again.

True the planet is in peril but the world seems to be getting a little over enthusiastic about the whole green business. Me? I’ll do my best to conserve the environment and then sit back and wait for the apocalypse. I will enjoy my Galitos chicken without calculating the evil carbon foot prints it has left on its way to my plate. The earth has heated up and cooled down for millions of years. Maybe these environmental changes were meant to be after all.

It's not just Kenya

Blogger Solomonsydelle of Nigerian Curiosity says in the comment area of this post:

Politicians the world over have made a mockery of their constituents, but the travesty is nowhere more glaring than on our continent.

‘The tragedy is not that the main culprits continue to sit in office in the wake of damning revelations, but that they vie again and Kenyans elect them right back in the general elections’

Being that this is a symptom endemic on the continent, do you have any ideas on how to prevent this from happening? It is the same in Nigeria and it drives any person with the time to think absolutely crazy. Great post!

Solomon thanks. I hope other bloggers will help me look at this one. In a perfect world, the idea would be to keep current untainted members and elect other clean fresh ones to replace the old corrupt guard and have one happy family. But one can only vote in one constituency and cannot control whom other constituencies are voting in. And even then you may never completely know the character of a candidate until they get the jobs and taste power and money.

In my constituency for example, folks voted in one of their brightest sons. Young, clean and untainted as far as anyone could tell. But in the very first few weeks of his tenure, he was slapped with a US Visa ban for alleged involvement in illegal gang activities. So much for fresh leadership.

There was talk about recalling non-performing members but the way things stand now, the idea is almost laughable. Do we even have a body to supervise elections yet? I forget. As much as the Kenyan electorate is capable of high level co-operation, so far we have demonstrated it in voting in candidates. I doubt the same would come to play when it comes to firing individual MPs mid-term. I don’t know. In any case we still need the members to pass a clause such as this. Solutions are there. Problem is that implementation falls on the very scoundrels that are the course of our problems.

Otherwise politics aside it’s holiday time. Holiday travel is beckoning and I’ll be gone for a few days. Lots of folks have come down to the coast for their Easter holidays. Karibuni sana. Others like me are going upcountry for some cold, clean, crisp humidity free air. Happy holidays!