Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Misbehaving Dads Who Deserve No Celebration

Sunday 15th June the world celebrated father’s day. Quite a foreign term this part of the world but it’s good to celebrate fathers all the same. Millions of cards and gifts flew around the world as people showed their male parents some love and appreciation. There are millions of outstanding fathers out there. Kudos to those. But it’s a world teeming with misbehaving ones too and many sons and daughters have nothing to celebrate about their fathers.

There are some whose biological functions never quite translated into parental responsibilities. Like this family I know for whom dad meant getting up at 3 am when he staggered home carrying some meat for dinner. Mum had to wake up and cook for him the meat and ugali. What’s more, all her 4 daughters had to wake up and stay with her in the smoke filled kitchen as she cooked. Including the 5 year old last born. By the time the female army were done cooking, dad would be fast asleep. Even if he was not asleep he would reject the ugali as too soft, too hard, or not well cooked. The army of girls would troop back to the kitchen to start afresh, the little one dozing on her sisters’ laps. Pure malice if you ask me. Maybe the tough dude should have bought his wife a gas cooker before making such demands. The poor lady had to light firewood in the dead of night.

Many are the days he’d come home from the city where he worked, ask for school report cards and if even one daughter had not performed will in any subject, he’d beat the whole lot of them. Including the mother but this time excluding the little one. Then one day the unthinkable happened. The first born daughter fell pregnant. She was a bright girl and the most promising academically. She was in form 2 and fees had already been paid for the whole year. The irate father ordered all his other daughters to be pulled out of school and taken for pregnancy tests. This time the little one was 10. She too had a date with the doctor for the test. But for the first time in her life, mum stood up for her little girl and she did not get tested along with her elder sisters, none of whom was pregnant thankfully.

His children grew up knowing him as this tyrannical monster. Luckily he worked and stayed in town so the horror of having dad home was only once in a while. His arrival would turn the whole house cold with dread. He later fell really sick and mellowed down a lot as he aged. That was the time he started trying to win his children’s love. But by that time they were all grown up, doing well for themselves and taking very good care of their mother. But most of them, having never forgiven their father, out rightly refused to be part of his medical care. Some said they did not have a father. As for the wife he beat up and mistreated for the better part of their marriage, she was there to take care of him in his hour of sickness and need. He died a sad man.

But this tyrant pales in comparison to some other fathers further afield. Would be preacher Joshua Mauldin felt an uncontrollable urge to place his two month old daughter in the safe, the refrigerator and finally into the microwave oven for 20 seconds. The little girl suffered second and third degree burns on her face and hands. Her left ear had to be amputated as a result of the burns. The 20 year old father was sentenced to 25 years in prison.

21 year old Derrick Hardy did the opposite. He crammed his girlfriend’s 10 month old baby into the freezer in 2006 apparently to cool a sudden fever. The mother came home only to find her baby in the freezer alongside ice cubes and bugger meat. The baby sustained first and second degree freezer burns on her head and torso. Now if he thought the baby got too cold, would this loony have placed her in the microwave too to heat her up a bit? Just a thought.

More recently there’s 73-year-old Austrian Josef Fritzl who imprisoned his daughter in a cellar and zero grazed on her for 24 years fathering 7 children with her. There are lots of sick minds out there but this one probably takes the trophy.


BP ONE said...

Shiko. This is a sad story. I consider all the four cases as torture. Just can't imagine how one can maltreat his Children and expects them to call him Dad.

Acolyte said...

Sadly there are many bad fathers out there and they take away the shine from the great ones out there who do anything for their children.

Mcheku said...

Honestly there are some things that one shouldn't laugh about but aii....who puts a child in a refrigerator? a freezer? and a microwave? These men must not have been normal!

Thank goodness for the good fathers out there and I am proud to say mine is one of the best if not the best!

Sayra said...

The cases above represent classic examples of overgrown boys and undergrown men who are mad. How on earth do you put a person in a freezer or a microwave oven or ask a 10yr old to go for a pregnancy test (ok, i know ... she can also get paged, lakini ...).

At the risk of sounding an escapist, i will say if fathers took their roles in the family settings with responsibility, we would be in a better world .. a more harmonious world in every aspect - from social to economic to political to everything else.

seinlife said...

life variance...things balance themselves out but we always hope that goodness soars above all.

BP ONE said...

Sayra you are right, but can anyone tell me the roles and responsibility of a father in the family it legal, social or religious. Apart from providing financial assistance what else should a father do? For example if he refuses to baby set his Child,(when the mum is not in a position to do that ) can he sued or cursed ?

Wanjiku Unlimited said...

Acolate the good dad will not be overshadowed dont worry. Rewards for good parenting are very many.

Sayra you're so right. Good responsible dads are a must for a more harmonious world. BPONE being a good father involves so much more than providing financial assistance. Just generally loving your kids and being nice to them. If their mum is not in a position to baby sit and you're free then why not? Fatherhood is becoming more open not like the traditional role of father keeps off.

Mcheku you're lucky.

Taabu said...

Dad or father?

Sometimes I am left looking for the invisible THIRD GENDER. Not to be accused of genralities just remove men from this planet and you have no war and all happiness.

To most fathers (no dads please) kids are mere biological accidents from their emotional indulgement. the IDD (beast) in men is more pronounced than even in wild animals. No wonder with midlife crisis they start ogling the daughter seeing her mum's ex-beauty in the girl.

Ciku you call that zero grazing? Well we have vermy many local Josefs. Just vissit the academies west of Uhuru Highway and you will have more than 40% incest products.

Half n Half said...

atleast for every horrible father there are about 10,000 good ones thank God for them!

BP ONE said...

Shiko @ , I get your point, BTW ,I do baby sit my one month old baby, especially when her mum is just busy or tired. In fact I see the role of a father in the family setting as a religious obligation for details see this link What I am asking is,soon or later the 2 weeks paternity leave will become effective, am sure many fathers will be taking that leave but will not be there at home to help the mums. Is there away of making it compulsory for fathers to baby sit? If the answer is no, then why should they take the leave for?

Anonymous said...

Wanjiku. Thanks for this informative piece. Can you believe this? while you were busy writing this article, on 16th June 2008 (barely one day after fathers day ), a father was betting his Toto to death, fortunately, this time round justice was done on the spot. I mean the father was shot dead…. see link.

Maua said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Maua said...

Should fathers be forced to babysit? Why father children if you can not help look after them, and I don't mean paying someone to do the job for you.

2 days ago I watched a CSI episode where a man had done something similar to Josef Fritzl, only this time it was a 10 yr old boy he had abducted 9 yrs earlier,(the boy believed he was the dad) and had caged this boy, and used a webcam/internet to extort money from well wishers who felt sorry.

The poor boy thought he was being punished for being 'bad', and kept saying 'can I come out now, I promise I'll be good'.

It takes a few seconds to be a father, but a lifetime to be a dad. Myles Monroe, in his teachings on male/female relationships says that any man who announces his manhood 'head of the house' is a failure'.

Take your responsibilities seriously and the titles 'Man, father, husband, dad etc' are yours forever. 'Loving dad, good father etc may be added.

Anonymous said...

let me look this thing on a diffrent way 90% of parents who get kids have not planed for basicaly 90% of the kids out there are a mistake. the finacial burden creeps in.. most parents stay 2gather coz of the kids so they feel traped another reason i think after pple get kids there love life or sex change completly n also u might find that the wife lves his boy(kid) and has no time for the hazi or the dad love his baby gal mbaka the wife feels Jealous yani kunavitu mob sana ma families go thru ama aje shii

Wanjiku Unlimited said...

BPONE thanks for the links. I actually visited Mossavi and left a comment there.

Maua sad sad story. And these kids always seem to blame themselves poor things.

Nusumbili I second you. Thank God for the good dads who far outnumber these loonies.

Taabu whats that about the academies in West of Uhuru Highway? Is this true? very sad.

Wanjiku Unlimited said...

Crates today I almost didn't know you. You betrayed yourself with Shii at the end.

Anyway what you say is very true. It raises another topic for a whole different article which I'll try to do soon. Families go through so much stuff if walls could talk!

Thanks crates.

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