When my wife came home and announced that she had decided to start eating healthy, I was elated and more than willing to join the bandwagon. I had recently done an online health quiz which came this close to telling me that with the standards set by present day health industry, I’d have heart disease, diabetes and high blood pressure at the tender age of 40. And I’m not alone in this. What with all the fries, burgers, Nando’s pizzas and refined fast foods that have flooded our lives. I already knew at the back of my mind that all those hangover-friendly foods I loved were not good for my health. I was going to start eating healthy some day. One of these fine days that never seems to come.
By the end of the online quiz, it was like, look here brother; your dietary lifestyle is a sure ticket to a slow painful early death. My case went further than dietary transgressions. The fact that I do not have a canine friend also increases my chances of meeting my maker earlier than I’d want to. Also once in a while I have a drink or two in town and I have to get home somehow. So add tipsy driving to my bad list although they prefer to call it drunken driving. And don’t even get me started on the tipple.
Much as I would like to live a long and healthy life, there are a few recommendations that are just beyond my reach. I can’t sleep for 8 hours a night. Who actually does? I wake up at 5 daily so that would mean sleeping at 9.00 pm – barely half an hour after dinner. And that compounds my dietary sins even further because they also recommended eating dinner at least 3 hours before bedtime. That makes the math a bit more complex. To crown my unhealthy habits, I’m completely unable to develop the clean habit of downing 8 glasses of water a day. I just can’t seem to go past the third glass.
Anyway, my wife came to the rescue with her grand healthy eating plan. But I was totally unprepared for the absolute horror that healthy eating has become of late. Welcome to the age when we drink vegetables. All those greens we grew up cooking and eating with maize meal? The spinach, kale, cabbage etc etc? Not any more. The current generation drinks them. Raw. And we don’t plant the seeds any more either. We dry them and eat them instead. Which raises the frightening possibility of some plants becoming extinct because mankind ate all the seeds. Scientists have recently discovered that we need live enzymes as a matter of life and death.
My good lady approached healthy eating from a very severe angle. She didn’t ease us into it, like carrot juice today, carrots and beets tomorrow, carrots, beets and spinach day 3… none of that. It was the whole deal on day one. And from then on she served me a loving glassful and a loving plateful of health at every opportunity. Health being weird vegetable muck, moong beans, DIY muesli, pulses and lentils among others. How healthy eating can change things. I used to salivate at the sight of my wife coming my way glass in hand. Now the same sight filled me with dread. No more mouthwatering aromas or a comforting spattering of noises from the kitchen.
Although it made me feel light and fresh, it was a punishing way to eat and difficult to keep up. By week two we both could not stand the sight of brown rice and the attendant healthy stews. We’ve since scaled down to just a normal healthy diet with a few sins every once in a while.